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Firstborn

Today is my firstborn’s birthday. He is 17 years old. It’s gone way too quickly, like incomprehensibly in a flash.

I remember very clearly what it felt like to be pregnant for the first time. I felt like such a child trying to navigate an unknown world. I had new eyes for the first time in a long time, looking at life in a very different way, trying to imagine myself sharing my world with this new being who’d be completely dependent upon me, realizing I was accountable to someone else in a very different way than I had ever been to anyone else before. There are certain transformations that I endured as a result of knowing I was going to be someone’s mom. He birthed me as much as I birthed him.

What I remember most about being pregnant was falling in love….deep, soul clenching love….with someone who was going to change my world. I had never known the true meaning of ‘surrender’ until I heard his heartbeat for the first time.

Early in my pregnancy, I started writing letters to him before I even knew he was a boy. I continued writing letters to him until….well, I still do. Here is a poem that I wrote to him during my second trimester…enjoy <3.

I don’t know you and I love you,

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You bring more joy than all the hands in the world can carry.

I have thought about you all my life,

I have had dreams about you before I knew you existed,

I have never seen your beautiful face

Or touched your precious little hands,

But I have heard your tiny heartbeat.

The sound of it lit up my life.

You will be here soon,

You are bringing more joy than all the hands in this world can carry.

When you get here,

Life will show its beaming face,

and life will fall into place,

For you have always been a part of it.

 

 

Happy Birthday, B-Boy <3.

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Heading into adulthood soon enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Thanks for subscribing to my blog. Mother’s Day is fast approaching. For orders of $95 or more (product cost/pre-shipping cost), choose a petite custom name/word charm or lite ball chain to go with your order (value = $38 – $48).

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No other discounts apply. Offer good through 3/31/14.

 

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