I miss you.
I don’t know how to unmiss people….and I don’t want to know.
I’m always missing someone, and now I’m missing someone particularly A LOT.
Earlier this month, I had to get on a plane to fly back to Portland after a wonderful Christmas vacation in Southern California. For days before this happened, I was in tears already missing my teen son. He had been living with me in Portland for the last several months, but decided to stay in SoCal with his dad starting at Christmas break. At the airport, we exchanged hugs and I love you’s and my heavy heart dropped. More accurately, it felt like I left a huge chunk of it behind. I went about my business for several days in a huge emotional funk. Sometimes when I was alone, I’d say out loud “I miss you”. It’s all I could say. It’s all I could feel.
If I could, I’d tell him every minute that I miss him but it might scare him, so I only tell him once a day and let him know in other ways throughout the day that I’m thinking of him.
I miss a lot of people that I don’t see very often: my parents, my siblings, my friends, etc. I ‘see’ them on Facebook and it helps a little, but nothing compares to being with them in person. It doesn’t happen enough. I miss my grandmother and other dear loved ones who have passed on. I’m so grateful I ever had them in my physical world. My experience with them on earth was worth every second that I miss them now.
I don’t know what it’s like to not miss anyone, or unmiss someone. Even though it can be sad or painful at times, I don’t want to know what it feels like to not have these feelings for people that I love so much. I’ve learned that the feeling of missing someone is the best reminder of a love that exists. The more I miss, the more I have loved.
While my son was with me in Portland, I took his fingerprint impression a few days before we flew to SoCal. Over the years, I’d taken many of his fingerprints to make jewelry samples, but this time, I knew I’d want his fingerprint more than ever. When I returned to Portland without him, it was the first time in my jewelry making career that a piece of jewelry meant the world to me. I had misplaced the necklace that had this latest fingerprint on it. I had a meltdown looking for it. I needed that little piece of silver just to rub my fingers on my son’s fingerprint. It’s the closest thing I have to feeling one of my most favorite things I got to experience when he was much younger…holding his little hand. Dang kid <3.
Loved = missed.